After Preaching Genesis 7, Steven Furtick Begins Converting All Elevation Campuses Into Arks
Local pastor Steven Furtick, the self-proclaimed leader of Elevation Church, has begun construction converting all of his church campuses into arks, citing a newfound belief that he is none other than the biblical figure of Noah.
According to Furtick, who claims to have recently experienced a “divine revelation,” the Bible is all about him, and he is not just Noah, but also David, Abraham, and King Josiah, and possibly even believes that he is Jesus, Himself.
“I’ve always known that I was destined for greatness,” Furtick told Nod Daily in a press conference. “But now, it’s clear to me that I am the chosen one. Not only am I all of the types in the Bible but also the antitype—the one who will save humanity from the impending flood.”
Furtick’s plans to convert his churches into arks have been met with confusion and skepticism by members of his congregation, many of whom have expressed concern over the cost and logistics of such a project.
“I don’t understand how this is supposed to work,” said Elevation Church member Susan Smith. “Are we all supposed to fit in these arks? And if the ark is only supposed to hold two of every kind of animal, what does that mean for the thousands of goats in Furtick’s pews?”
Despite the backlash, Furtick remains confident in his plans, stating that once the waters begin, the arks will “elevate” the church to new heights and give a new meaning to the name “Elevation Church.”
“I know it may seem crazy, but trust me, I’ve got this,” Furtick said. “I’ve already got the blueprints and a team of builders has already started construction. All we need now is a little faith and a lot of goats.”
Only time will tell if Furtick’s ark-building plans will come to fruition, but one thing is for sure, Elevation Church will never be the same again. Giving a new meaning to Elevation, Furtick truly believes that he is going to save the world, one ark at a time.