Joel Osteen Steps Down from Preaching, Becomes a Bartender

In a shocking turn of events, renowned televangelist and pastor Joel Osteen announced his resignation from the pulpit to pursue a new calling: bartending.

The acclaimed orator, who has captivated audiences with his charismatic sermons and inspirational messages, revealed that he has always harbored a secret passion for mixing cocktails and concocting libations. And after much soul-searching and introspection, he has decided to leave the ministry to fully embrace his true calling as a purveyor of spirits.

“I have always been drawn to the art of mixology,” Osteen said in a received exclusively by Nod Daily. “The creative process of experimenting with different ingredients, the alchemy of blending flavors, and the satisfaction of seeing people enjoy the fruits of my labor is truly fulfilling. And I believe that bartending is a noble profession that can bring joy and happiness to people’s lives.”

The news has sent shockwaves throughout the religious community, as Osteen has been one of the most popular and influential pastors in recent memory. But the man himself seems unperturbed by the reactions and is excited to embark on this new journey.

“I may be leaving the pulpit, but my mission remains the same: to serve others and make a positive impact on the world,” Osteen said. “And I believe that bartending is a powerful tool to do just that. After all, what’s more uplifting than a well-made cocktail?”

While it may seem unorthodox for a man of the cloth to leave the ministry for a career in mixology, Osteen is confident that this new venture will be a success. And who knows, perhaps he’ll even be able to turn water into wine in a new way.

As he steps down from the pulpit and steps behind the bar, Osteen is ready to bring his message of hope and positivity to a new audience, one drink at a time.