Elon Musk Buys Planet Earth, Promises to Restore Freedoms

After the news broke that space security and green energy guru, Elon Musk, bought Twitter, the world went into chaos as Twitter’s servers quickly overloaded with web traffic from all of the most censored places on the planet, including the U.S., Canada, and China. The United Nations sprang into action by restoring censorship and collecting private data on its own secret servers, bringing order back to Earth.

Despite this, Musk promised to restore our freedoms by purchasing the entire planet and connecting the world to his outer space world surveillance network.

“I just don’t see how the open marketplace of ideas can prosper,” Musk told Nod Daily in a recent interview, “if the world’s public communications networks are all controlled by one entity.”

Musk told Nod Daily that the world needed to be freed from social media tyranny and freedoms of speech, personal privacy, and open ideas need to be restored.

“There is only one way to free the world,” Musk said. “The world must be purchased by a freedom-loving patriot and placed under his sole control to guarantee that freedom for as long as the world exists.”

“That person is me,” Musk asserted.